In Stillness We Find Our Power
Elizabeth Rosa, Founder and Principal, Resolve at Work
When individuals take part in a mediation they expect certain things from the mediator; a fair process, active listening and assistance in exploring options and reaching a resolution. But what do parties expect from the mediator as a person? They should be able to look to the mediator to help keep them calm. They need the mediator to exude calm, so that they might feel a bit of that themselves. Neuroscientists say that human beings have “mirror neurons” – that is, we can pick up the emotions of another and mirror those. So, it is hoped that if the mediator is calm, the parties may start to mirror that calmness to some extent themselves.
When I conduct workplace mediations, I hold a pre-mediation meeting with each party individually. I help each party to talk through their concerns and discuss ideas they may have on how they would like to improve their interactions with the other party in the future. Usually, they start off looking pretty tense, but by the end, many of them look much calmer. The pre-mediation process helps them in the mediation itself, which they will attend with the other party. Again, in that room setting, I am there to model calm, slow and reflective conversation. In many cases, this helps the parties to articulate their concerns respectfully and to delve into themselves to consider options for a positive future.
But where do we as mediators find our own sense of calm? Many of us are drawn to mediation because of our calm personality and our commitment to helping others. But we need to nurture and maintain this 'calm' as we develop our practice.
One way we can do this is to cultivate stillness in our lives. This can be through a mindfulness exercise or a meditation. It could also be through being present in nature, through a walk or a swim, or simply by looking out at a view. At the beginning of the year, in the holiday season, it is a good time to find stillness in nature or relaxing at home. This way, we can lock in the calm and tap into it when we conduct mediations throughout the year.
To help us maintain our sense of calm throughout the year, we can use techniques to draw carefully on our reserves and top up on ‘stillness’ as needed. We should always try to arrive at mediation unruffled. This can be difficult especially if we have had to drive or travel to get to the meeting, or if we are slightly nervous about how the mediation will go. If we spend a few minutes of quiet in the morning - just sitting quietly, performing a mindfulness exercise, listening to a guided meditation or a going for a short walk - we can create a level of stillness to carry us through the day.
In our lives in general, we can create opportunities for ourselves for quiet, through walks reflecting on nature or just taking moments to relax at home or in the office, so that we will have reserves of stillness to tap into for even the most challenging of mediations.
If you would like to learn more about workplace mediation and mediation skills, take a look at the next workshop I am running, How to Run a Workplace Mediation.
Elizabeth Rosa is a Nationally Accredited Mediator, a Trainer and the Principal of Resolve at Work.
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